i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
