My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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