He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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