Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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