We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
