I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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