I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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