Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
