420 ftw
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
