OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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