Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
