Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
