The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
