I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
