All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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