WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
