I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize