spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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