fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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