I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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