I feel like I'm in dance class right now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize