No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize