I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
