So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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