I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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