They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
