she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
