yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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