My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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