Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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