I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i out mim tonsoeep
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
