GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
