I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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