I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
