FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
