im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
