bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
