You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
