I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
