i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
