I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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