she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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