If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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