its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
