it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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