We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
