I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
