i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
