whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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