I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
