I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
