Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
