Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
