Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
