That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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