that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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