He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
