it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
