I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
