Don't you send me to vm
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
