Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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