On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
