I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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