he wants to bone in the snuggie
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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